There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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