I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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