I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
