Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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