i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
