1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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