When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
