Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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