Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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