i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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