i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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