His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
