Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
