Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
