Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
