Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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