That's intense
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
