So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
