It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
