Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
