SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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