my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
