Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
