I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
