no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
