dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
