I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
