why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
