im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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