I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
