Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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