FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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