I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
