tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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