Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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