you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
