I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
