it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
