Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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