my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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