Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
