I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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