She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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