His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
