it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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