you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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