How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
