New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
