If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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