like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just high enough for therapy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
