After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize