If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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