Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
