The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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