I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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