after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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