I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
