I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and she was petting her beer can
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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