Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
