If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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