Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize