just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
