she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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