I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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