Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
