Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
