There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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