and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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