i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
try to milk me bitch
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
