Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize