Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I would fuck him just for his dog
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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