my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
