just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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